The Ones I Care About
by Silver Shoelaces
Summary: After an unsettling dream in which Inuyasha kills all of his friends and Sesshoumaru is actually kind to him, Inuyasha vows never to fight with his brother again. A songfic.


A/N: I wrote this over three years ago, and I finally got around to putting it up. Aside from some very light editing (I fixed one or two typos and changed some really pathetic diction to something slightly more passable), I have left this story as it was when I found it. This story also has a second and a third chapter, but as they're sitting in my eight year old laptop at home and I haven't fixed the power cord yet, they're inaccessible for now. Each chapter is a different song, and the plot continues in Chapter Two! Look forward to it!

The youkai stabbed Inu-Yasha in the arm, snatched Tetsusaiga from him when he flinched and flung it behind him, believing that the weak hanyou was helpless "wivout his widdle swordy." Everything blurred as Inu-Yasha felt himself losing control, the enemy standing over him with a wide grin. Inu-Yasha's conscious self faded into blackness. The next thing Inu-Yasha knew, the youkai was lying on the ground, covered in its own blood and dismembered, its limbs scattered across the ground. There was a stabbing pain in his foot and Inu-Yasha looked down at what remained of his Tetsusaiga. He had broken it when he stepped on it, although fortunately he was back to his normal self. He stopped suddenly. Didn't Kagome normally give back his Tetsusaiga when he transformed? Come to think of it, he was alone. Did Kagome and the others get away safely? He perked up his nose, searching for Kagome's scent. It was behind him, and it smelled of-

He turned around, appalled. Her scent was covered in that of her own blood. Kagome was lying on the ground, blood sinking into the earth, staining the pure, brown soil with the black of death. Miroku and Sango were lying together, also both dead, Kirara was nowhere to be found, and Shippou was moaning into consciousness. He looked like he was hurt just as badly as the other two. Shippou noticed Inu-Yasha and let out a curse.

"You killed Kagome, you-" Shippou stopped suddenly, his eyes glazed over. A spout of blood burst from his back, and he fell to the ground with a small thud.

Inu-Yasha stared, his eyes out of focus. "What have I done?" he asked himself over and over again.

How will I start  
Tomorrow without you here  
Whose heart will guide me  
All the answers disappear

Inu-Yasha trudged up to Totosai's place. He didn't know what to do. He certainly couldn't go after Naraku in this state. He would almost certainly kill everybody and anybody he tried to protect if something wasn't done.

"Totosai, could you mend Tetsusaiga? And then, when you're done fixing it, will you assist me in committing seppuku with it?"

Is it too late?  
Are you too far gone to stay  
Best friends forever,  
Would you never have to go away?

Inu-Yasha knew he loved Kikyou in his head, but he realized with a pang of his heart that he couldn't go on without Kagome. She was his support whenever he was down, and he would never admit it, but he actually enjoyed it sometimes when she sternly told him "sit" and he was thrown brutally (and often comically) to the ground. For a human, she had a lot of chutzpah. She was the basis on which he gauged kindness and resolve, and you couldn't find a person like her twice. She was just too unique for that.

What will I do?  
You know  
I'm only half without you.  
How will I make it through?

He was only a half demon. He wasn't anything special to the world. Yeah, he had a grudge against Naraku, and he should really go after him, but was it worth it anymore, now that all of his friends were dead? Yes, he realized for the first time in his life. They were his friends, his beloved friends, and he could not live without them.

If only tears could bring you back to me,  
If only love could find a way.  
What I would do  
What I would give if you  
Returned to me  
Someday, somehow, some way  
If my tears could bring you back to me…

A single tear fell down his cheek as he thought of his friends. He couldn't bring any of them back. He couldn't help Kagome, the girl from another world that he had grown to love almost as much as Kikyou. He couldn't help Sango, the professional youkai exterminator who had once desperately tried to kill him, under the false pretense that he had killed her family and friends. He couldn't help Shippou, the young fox youkai who never thought only of himself, defying the very notion of a demon itself. Then there was the monk. Inu-Yasha couldn't even help the lecherous monk, even though he felt less sorry for a human who had such illicit thoughts than he would for a pure-spirited person. He couldn't help any of them, despite his best efforts to retain the Tetsusaiga until the very end. Another tear forced its way from his eyes to visual manifestation. He would give up his dream of becoming a full-demon; in fact, he would become a weak, worthless, helpless human for the rest of his life if only even one of them would return by his side.

I've cried you an ocean  
If you'd sail on home again  
Waves of emotion  
Will carry you; I know they can

Somehow, when Totosai returned, Inu-Yasha was calm, as if he had been planning on seppuku even before Kagome died. Death didn't seem so bad to him now, when the alternative was spending life alone, with neither purpose nor friends.

Just let love guide you  
And your heart will chart the course  
Soon you'll be drifting  
Into the arms of your true north

Inu-Yasha closed his eyes, trying to staunch the flow of tears that was sure to start. He missed Kagome and the rest of his friends so much. There was a sudden noise, and Inu-Yasha's ears registered a scream and a thud on Totosai's part. He opened his eyes, and lifted his head to see who it was. He was staring into the face of his half-brother. He closed his eyes again.

"Sesshoumaru, I'm not in the mood."

Sesshoumaru drew his sword in a motion aimed at Inu-Yasha's stomach. Inu-Yasha made no move to get out of the way, and didn't even flinch as a sharp pain slashed through him and his warm, wet, sticky blood spurted all over the ground. He barely felt it. Sesshoumaru, wondering if this was a trick, approached Inu-Yasha again, sword raised.

Inu-Yasha opened his bloodshot eyes, eyes almost as red as his now-bloodied stomach, and looked straight at Sesshoumaru. "Brother, if you attack me any more, I will transform again. When I transform, I am afraid I will never return to my old self ever again. Tetsusaiga was shattered, and I live only until it is mended. Then I am going to commit seppuku." Inu-Yasha spoke politely for once, his voice calm, every syllable cold and deliberate. He didn't care what Sesshoumaru did to him. "Just know that if you hit me any longer, I will be unable to control myself, and I will attack the nearest humans before anything else. I believe the nearest human is your vassal. Kill me now, or leave and never come back."

Look in my eyes  
You'll see  
A million tears have gone by  
And still they're not dry

Sesshoumaru stopped suddenly. Was that a tear in his horrid half-brother's eye? Yes, it was, wasn't it? Now that he came to think of it, normally Inu-Yasha **wanted** to attack him; this wasn't a battle of strength so much as an invitation for a single blow that could end things then and there. Looking closer, Sesshoumaru realized Inu-Yasha's eyes were sparkling at the corners…and his entire face was drenched in dripping, wet tears. How weak. It made him embarrassed to be related to his brother. However, in a strange moment of twisted half-brotherhood, he couldn't help but feel a surge of sympathy. What had happened? He sat down beside Inu-Yasha, sheathing Tokijin.

"Tell me everything."

If only tears could bring you back to me  
If only love could find a way (love could find)  
What I would do  
What I would give if you  
Returned to me  
Someday somehow some way  
If my tears could bring you back to me

When Inu-Yasha was done, Sesshoumaru felt a powerful empathy for his half-brother. If someone had killed Rin and Jaken, he would feel an intense hatred towards whoever had committed the act, but he would at least be able to revive them. If that someone had been himself, and it was because he lost control due to circumstances beyond his personal control, and his Tenseiga had been shattered and stolen, he would have felt an intense hatred toward himself for being weak. In fact, that had even happened once before, when Sesshoumaru could not save the person he cared for most. Inu-Yasha thought he finally understood why Sesshoumaru had hated him, because Inu-Yasha had been weak, but now Sesshoumaru could feel nothing but understanding and sympathy for his younger brother.

I hold you close  
And shout the words I only whispered before  
For one more chance  
For one last dance  
This side of me  
That I would not endure

Sesshoumaru put his arm around Inu-Yasha's shoulder. "It's okay, little brother. I'm here for you. I know what you're going through."

Inu-Yasha found that his throat had swelled from grief. "You know nothing," he choked, "of what I'm going through. Nobody you have loved has ever died."

Sesshoumaru shook his head sadly. "No, that is not true. Did I ever tell you the real reason why I hate Naraku? It has nothing to do with when he tried to use me to kill you, that time when he tried to kill me with his murderous intent and that arm I so desired. The reason I am after him with a true want for revenge? He is responsible for the death of my younger sister. Inu-Yasha, did Father never tell you that you had a half-sister? Of all the clues he had left you I thought that would have been one of them. Inu-Yasha, Naraku smells almost exactly the same as the human bandit who killed her, Onigumo."

Inu-Yasha nodded. "Yes, Naraku **is** Onigumo. The bandit that fell in love with Kikyo."

"Well, Onigumo was a famous bandit. He was famous for killing a helpless little demon when he was ten, eating her while she was still warm. She was about his age, you know. You do know what that would be to a demon."

"She would have been a young child, barely able to talk."

"Yes. She was younger than me by about three decades. She was also extremely ill. I let the monster known to you as Onigumo into the house when he asked for Father. It was entirely my fault he killed her, even though I was still young. The image of her bloody face was burned into my memory forever, and the sight of her shattered bones poking out from her fair skin still makes my clear mind clouded with despair. She didn't even die peacefully--my last memory of her is of her pained and tortured face as she was fully aware of her own brutal death. Father wouldn't stand for bandits entering the house and killing as they pleased, of course, so he took me far away from the family, where I'd be safe from future bandit attacks. He didn't know that I was responsible. I let the bandit into the house. It was **me**." Sesshoumaru used the lowly word "boku" rather than "ore" when referring to himself, a subtle gesture of his own feelings of self-insignificance. Sesshoumaru's voice cracked, but he continued.

"W-when he entered the house, h-he convinced me that he would save her. He told me later, when he already had his way with her, that he had just come for her heart. It possessed me, the blind fury I felt that day, and I could not control my actions. And he got away, that monster! In my blind rage, I attacked all who were around me, and I even weakened Father right before his fight with that stupid, pathetic youkai he ended up dying to seal. You know, Father's demon blood is too powerful for you because you are part human. That is why you transform. However, Father's blood resides just as strongly in myself. When that scoundrel ate her heart, I transformed. While you lose the protection of your human self when you transform, I lost the protection of having someone to protect, my sister. I lost control. I…I even killed my mother. My sweet, wonderful mother who had nothing to do with any of the problems that villain Onigumo caused." Sesshoumaru blinked back a tear, and embraced his brother tightly.

If only tears could bring you back to me  
If only love could find a way  
What I would do  
What I would give if you  
Returned to me  
Someday somehow some way  
If my tears could bring you back (bring you back) to me

Inu-Yasha looked up. He had never seen his brother more than mildly unhappy, let alone distraught, and he could never have even imagined such a thing, but there it was before him. Even Sesshoumaru had lost control. He would never have imagined an expression like that on his brother's face…but yes, it was there before him, shining with tears freshly shed seconds ago. He hugged his brother back, thinking about how his brother's experience seemed the type to make him distraught enough to be incoherent in speech, and how Kagome-tachi's fate was markedly similar. That Naraku! It was all his fault!

Inu-Yasha froze. He could have sworn he saw movement on the horizon. Sure enough, there was a person approaching quickly. She was wearing a green sailor-style uniform that didn't exist in the feudal era of Japan, and she was riding the geared, two wheeled pink and grey monstrosity that she had called a "jitensha." It was Kagome!

"H-how?" he stammered, as she pulled up much closer. "I thought you were dead!"

Kagome smiled. "Inu-Yasha, I will never be dead in your dreams. Keep dreaming, and even if I am not there, you will find me."

Totosai waved Inu-Yasha's half-fixed sword in the air triumphantly. "See? See? You will always have something or someone to live for. Just because somebody dies does not mean you have to join him in death!"

Kagome smiled, and slugged Inu-Yasha in the face.


End file.
